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not sure if this is a repost..... My mates used to call me "Mr Lover Lover" as I had a good record with the ladies until one night a cripple with one leg asked me to shag her up the arse...... Now they call me "Mr Bumspastic" :rolleyes:

Got home this morning to find all the windows smashed in and everything taken.... ......what sort of cnut does that to an Advent Calender???? :rolleyes:

Security Alert Update Following the discovery of a bomb outside a mosque in London, the police would like to reassure the public. They are asking everyone not to panic as they have managed to push it inside. :rolleyes:

Sorry, just seen it in another post.

Experts are worried about President Obama`s mental state after he pledged millions of dollars of aid to Northern Ireland, following the tragedy of Hurricane Higgins............. :D

On holiday in Spain recently I saw a sign that said "English Speaking Doctor." I thought, what a good idea, why dont we have them in our fcuking country? :(

Paddy goes to casualty after being stung by a wasp and says to the nurse: "I`ve been stung by a wasp. Have you got anything for it?" The nurse replies: "Whereabouts is it?" Paddy says: "**** knows! Probably miles away by now!" :eek:

Paddy is in bed with his wife. Her mobile phone rings at 3am, Paddy answers it then angrily replies "why dont you f**k off and ring the weather office!" His wife asks "who was that?!" He says "some c**t askin if the coast was clear!" :rolleyes:

Oh dear... After the death of Steven Gately in his Spanish villa, stars of the screen have been paying tribute. Ronan Keating said he was gutted, Louis Walsh said he was devastated, and Michael Barrymore said he was innocent. :rolleyes:

The Queen is inspecting 3 armed forces personnel, 1 from each of her fighting forces. She asks each one what they would do if they woke up and found a Camel Spider in their tent on operations? The squaddie says, "I`d reach over, grab my bayonet and stab it to death!" The matelot says, "I`d...

Zookeeper says to Paddy: "the Gorilla is on heat and we need someone to have sex with it. Would you consider shagging it for £500?" Paddy replies: "I will, on 3 conditions. 1st, I`m not going to kiss it. 2nd, my family must never know. 3rd, I`ll need a couple of weeks to get the cash...

"The Labour Party have today changed their emblem from a rose to a condom as it more accuratley reflects their political stance..." ...wait for it, "...A condom allows for inflation, halts production, destroys the next generation, protects a bunch of pr**ks, and gives you a sense of security...

Welcome to the cpw forum Team 3 Regards Coverer

Suggested introduction template is below Q. Do you represent a company? A. No Q. What area's in the Security Industry are you interested in? A. Close protection, driving, residential etc. Q. What do you hope to get from the forum? A. Any help and advice on cp work, jobs, networking. Q...